


Banderscratch

by bellamavi



Category: Black Mirror (TV), Black Mirror: Bandersnatch (2018)
Genre: Alternate Universe - No Time Travel, Black Mirror - Freeform, Daddy Issues, Everyone Is Gay, Inspired by Black Mirror, M/M, Mental Health Issues, alternative universe, except stefan's dad, he's an asshole in this one, stefan butler is gay for colin ritman, stefan is a soft boy
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-02-10
Updated: 2019-07-23
Packaged: 2019-10-25 21:45:28
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 5,631
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17733245
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/bellamavi/pseuds/bellamavi
Summary: A slowburn Stefan x Colin piece where I'm having fun writing Stefan's & Colin's complicated minds and personalities. Also I love these two together so yeah, no spoilers though.





	1. freckled new one

"Stefan! What is wrong with you?" Mr. Butler asked his son who was sitting on the dark brown couch in their living room. "Do you really wanna waste your life like that?"

The daylight was aggressively shining on Peter Butler's white skin. Stefan stopped staring at his shaking hands and looked through the window. He wanted to escape. He wanted to jump. Unfortunately, the windows on the first floor of their house weren't high enough - it would do no harm to him.

"I want to try it, dad" he finally spoke, then swallowed thickly, "Colin said..."

"I don't give a damn about what this 'Colin' said, Stefan! He's a loser, and you are telling me you want to follow his example by playing some stupid games! I cannot let this happen."

Stefan flinched when his father raised his voice at him. He closed his eyes and tried not to think of what his hell of a parent had to remark about Colin Ritman.

Colin Ritman. When he walked carelessly into the office room Stefan and Mr. Thakur were discussing his job skills in at the moment, Stefan knew this hippie guy was going to be troublesome. Colin was holding a joint between his pinkish lips, hands hidden sloppily in his trousers' pockets.

"Morning, Ritman" Stefan's future boss did not look pleased, seeing Colin smoking indoors again. "You arrived, at last."

"Yeah, yeah. Traffic."

Colin went around Stefan and sat on the armchair next to him, put his right ankle on his left knee and blew the smoke above the desk in front of them. All of that, every single movement, Stefan tried to observe very carefully as long as his neck let him. He bit his lower lip when Colin adjusted his white-framed glasses.

"So what's this about?" Ritman looked at Thakur, pointing his head in Stefan's direction.

The boss grunted, "Mr. Butler came here to present his idea for a video game. Something new, something no one has ever seen before. Something innovative that could have the potential to change the whole gaming world. That is why I called you, Colin. I think you'd like to hear this youngster out."

\---

A loud noise made him blink and turn his gaze at his father's tall posture in front of him. Like a stump, Stefan wondered what happened. Then he heard his father speaking again; it sounded more like mumbling though, a voice muffled by Stefan's chaotically working mind. Peter Butler hit the table with his open hand to make his son pay attention, and when it didn't work, he kept on talking. Stefan had felt the sudden urge to stand up, which he resisted with difficulty. It wasn't the first time when he had felt it: an unexpected feeling, a will to act, to do something specific. For example at this moment he was really willing to slap his father in the face. To shut him up very painfully. He clenched his fists and teeth, waiting until the strange feeling would go away.

"You're not going to listen to me anyway", Peter sighed, hiding his face in his hand, "Do whatever you want, kid. Just remember it's still me who lets you stay in this house and pays the bills."

Stefan wasn't mad at his father for his behaviour. He wasn't even hurt by his words, not anymore. He understood that how he used to behave was inexplicable and to his father, the reasons behind his actions were unclear to this day. Little could he do about it, though. He apologized and intended to explain everything, but it was hard to say why exactly he did most of the things. Like, attacking his therapist, refusing to take medicine and hitting his father out of the blue in the middle of an argue? Those things weren't his choice. Something (someone?) has made him do it. He was sure of that.

Everything it made him say to his father, every single thing he had said, resulted in unbearable distance between them. Stefan regretted them every day and cried his eyes out to sleep every night for it. But there was nothing he could do.

\---

"I like your idea. I think we can figure it out."

That's what Colin had said to him in the office. _I like your idea_. _We_. _We_ means _together_.

Stefan remembered every glance Colin had given to him, every word had spoken to him, every little remark and question towards him.

When his father was finally done with Stefan, the boy went upstairs to his bedroom. To his little kingdom no one else could enter, even his father ever since their paths have departed. Locking the door, his eyes watered and his breath became irregular. Then he remembered Colin had given him his number. He thought about the cell phone on the kitchen counter.

"Let me know when you decide. Whenever you want, I don't mind the hour."

The smirk on Colin's face at the end of that sentence was cute. Damn, everything about Colin was cute. His glasses, his extremely blonde short hair, his weird eyebrows. Stefan felt it in his gut that he wanted to become things with this man. But how would he achieve anything like that when he couldn't even maintain a good relationship with his father? That strange need to do something bad could come at any moment; for example when Colin was around.

Stefan rested on his bed and took the small sheet of paper Colin had written his number on out of his pocket. He examined it between his fingers and wondered how pissed off his father would be about Stefan calling Colin from their house.

He washed his face in the bathroom and came back downstairs. Nothing could stop him, he was sure of his decision of taking that small step forward in his life.

A woman picked up after three signals. Stefan could hear a crying baby in the distance. At first he opted to hang up, but eventually spoke:

"Uh, hello? I- Can I speak to Colin Ritman?", he hated how his voice would become shaky when talking to strangers, especially on the phone.

"Oh! Are you the sweet freckled guy from the office? The new one?" the woman beamed. What she had just said, made Stefan forget his own goddamn name.

"Wh- What? I... Yeah, I'm the new one..."

"No worries!" she laughed, interrupting his pathetic stuttering, "Colin's right here, just give him a second!"

Stefan didn't respond, just listened to the woman's voice, now a bit distant, probably telling Colin to come and pick up.

_Sweet freckled guy. From the office. The new one._

Did she really say that? Or did Stefan mishear something? What the hell just happened? Who was she? Who was the crying baby? Was it Colin's? Did he just talked to his girlfriend, wife?

"Ritman" Colin finally picked up the phone.

"H-Hello, Colin" Stefan remembered his words, just call me Colin, when they finally introduced themselves to each other, "I'm sorry, am I calling in the wrong time or..?"

"Nah, mate, it's fine. I was just trying to calm the baby down."

"Y-yeah, so I've heard..." the Butler boy tried to sound amused.

"Anyway. You called me."

"Yes, I did. I wanted to confirm that I'm in."

"Oh, really?" Colin definitely sounded happier than two seconds ago. "Brilliant. Let's meet up tomorrow then, shall we? Nine AM, Tuckersoft."

"S-sure! Thanks..." he wanted to add something, but Ritman was way quicker.

"Cool. See ya. Bye" and here ended this conversation.

Stefan held the receiver for another few seconds, thinking about the whole chat he'd just had with Colin Ritman. Little did he know about the woman and the baby, he could only suppose they were his family, even though such an extravagant persona as Colin wasn't exactly the archetype of a father of the house.

But he talked to this woman about him. He called him _sweet._ Or was it just an addition from her?

When he heard the front door being opened and his father coming back home (wherever the hell he's just been this whole time), he left the cell phone just like it's been before and decided to avoid his parent for the rest of the day.


	2. you made it, freckled new one

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Heeey and welcome to the second chapter of this fic, folks. Some of you left really nice comments under the first one, thank you so much!!! Enjoy.

The alarm clock rang mercilessly at 8 in the morning. Before he opened his eyes, Stefan had reached for the source of the cruel sound and turned it off. Then he rested his arm on the blanket again; Exhaling deeply, he thought about today's meeting with Colin. Was Mr. Thakur going to be present? It didn't matter to Stefan, as long as Colin was there to talk to him.

Finally, he had to get out of bed. He stretched out and took his favourite yellow terry socks along with an oversized black sweater. Leaving the shorts he'd worn to sleep on, he left his bedroom quietly so that his father wouldn't notice and bother him. He was out of luck though - Peter Butler was just preparing breakfast for both of them and probably was about to come for Stefan as well.

"Good morning, son", his father said while making tea.

"Morning, dad."

Stefan didn't feel like having a conversation with this man right now. All he was thinking about was the meeting with Colin, presenting his ideas, sketches and notes to him, showing him his work until now, work that may be a piece of Stefan's soul.

"What are you reading there?" the old Butler inquired, placing hot teas on the small round table between them.

"It's- It's _Bandersnatch_ ", Stefan found it pretty difficult to talk about it and he knew his dad was going to keep asking questions.

"Bander-what?"

" _Bandersnatch_."

"Hm", he nodded, "Was it mom's?"

Right. Correct dad, it was mom's. It was mom's favourite book, she had read it thousands times, she knew it by heart. She told me stories about this book, kept me curious, made me interested in the philosophy of time I read so much about now. But you weren't with us then. You were everywhere but with us: at work, yelling at our neighbour's dog because it was digging another hole in our garden, out with friends or just somewhere else in the house. Totally not interested in your wife's favourite book. Even after her death you put it in the box of all the things you wanted to throw away, so recklessly.

"Yeah. I took it from her things."

"Did she even read it? I don't think so", Peter laughed, obviously trying to be funny.

Stefan smirked insincerely, "Uh, I don't think so either."

He finished his breakfast in silence; his father had given up on keeping the conversation alive. When he got up and was to wash the dishes, Peter stopped him.

"It's fine. Go get ready for today" he objected.

The boy frowned. What did he know about Stefan's plans? He couldn't know anything.

"You're going to work on that stupid game, I suppose. Right? Go and do your thing. I'll take care of the dishes today."

Not going to lie, he appreciated the gesture. He still had to pack everything he needed for Colin, use a bathroom and catch an early bus. He didn't want to be late, he wanted to show that he cares.

The office of Tuckersoft was full of busy people. Everyone was talking, typing or doing both of these things at once. Stefan searched through the crowd and found a tall chubby man he absolutely didn't need to see at the moment.

"Steven! So you decided, did you?" Mr. Thakur approached him and pulled out his hand.

"Uh, Stefan, good morning..." he shook it, hoping not to sound rude.

"Oh yeah, Stefan, sorry..."

"No problem, it happens very often-" he felt extremely awkward, talking to this cheerful man all of the sudden. Mr. Thakur's positive energy was intimidating.

"So, have you met with Colin yet? He was really looking forward to hearing from you."

Good to know; Stefan smirked unintentionally.

"N-no, I just came here to do that... We set up a meeting at 9."

"Brilliant. Alright, off you go then. Catch you later, Stefan!" Thakur grinned and passed him by. He barely took two steps and already was approached by one of the inferiors; the life in Tuckersoft was vivid and full of ambitious talents.

Was Stefan ready to work in this kind of environment? He was ambitious and talented, indeed, but his introverted self definitely was not prepared for sharing most of its day and energy with all those noisy people. Colin though, he seemed to be like him. Quiet, focused, done with everyone's bullshit. He hoped so, at least.

"Excuse me", Stefan decided to ask for him at the reception.

"Where can I find Colin Ritman?"

"A fan?" the blonde woman raised her eyebrow and gave him a critical look.

"N-no", he frowned, "We are supposed to meet here in ten minutes, I would like to know where-"

"No fangirls allowed, sorry sweetheart" she interrupted him, ignoring his words completely and turning her gaze back to the computer screen.

"But- I- I really need to know-" Stefan panicked; his face probably turned red, he could feel it. Now he clearly sounded like a desperate psychofan.

"Get out of here, kid, I don't have-"

"Oi, there, why don't you calm down Miss, right? Butler, come with me." Stefan froze for a second, the sudden feeling of Colin's strong hand on his shoulder hitting him like a storm. First he looked at Colin, then gave a final glance to the receptionist, eventually letting it go.

"Sorry for this, mate. She's a total bitch. Lazy. Hope you didn't wait too long" Colin spoke while leading him to his office room. He opened the door for Stefan, holding it with one hand, a cup of coffee and a cigarette in the other. "Come in. Feel free to settle down."

"Thanks" Stefan nodded. It was all he could say.

Colin's office room smelled like him: cigarettes, coffee and a little bit of his own scent. Stefan liked it. He was amazed by the fact that he could enter The Colin Ritman's own office room.

"Is... Is this where you create all your games?" he asked, though he felt stupid doing so.

"You could say that, yeah" Ritman shrugged, closing the door and approaching a big desk full of papers and a computer in between all of that mess. He kept talking while settling in front of it, "I write down some of the ideas in the bathroom."

Stefan laughed and felt bad for it right after. But Colin just gave him an amused look and kept staring at his computer, pushing particular buttons on the keypad.

"I'll finish this and then I'm all yours, right?"

Butler opened his mouth and closed it, not knowing what kind of answer Colin would expect. It was very... ambiguous, what he'd said.

He remembered talking to the mysterious woman on the phone, probably Colin's partner. He observed Colin's frame, his focused eyes, his frown, his fingers confidently typing another pieces of the code of his newest game. Then Colin suddenly mumbled something, cigarette between his lips.

"Sorry, what?" Stefan asked, confused, and blinked nervously a few times.

"Anything to drink?" Ritman took the cigarette out of his mouth and repeated, blowing the smoke above his computer. "It's gonna take me a while, y'know."

"Uh, no, thank you" Stefan shifted in his seat, turning his gaze from Colin to the screen and vice versa.

Colin hummed in response.

"I-I played all your games, you know? All of them" Stefan spoke before his body could control it. Colin looked right into his eyes and he continued: "Except those for Commodore... I don- I don't have a Commodore..."

"I do. You can play them at my place" Ritman returned to the screen, his work on the latest project for today almost finished. He planned to focus all of his attention on Stefan for the rest of the day. After a few seconds of silence he clicked the last button and leaned back in the chair. "Okay, I'm done. Let me hear you out now, yeah?"

Butler did not know what he had expected, but deep in his heart he felt a little bit disappointed. Colin didn't respond much about him being a fan of his work, nor he expressed any positive emotions towards it. It felt weird because he shouldn't expect anything, Colin didn't owe him anything. In fact, he was the one who should be grateful for appreciating his project and letting him come here again.

"So, uh..." Stefan had to concentrate on more important things than his little stupid emotions; therefore he went to search through his bag. "Have you ever thought about letting people feel like they are a part of your game? Like they are able to feel themselves into the role of your characters?"

"You mean choosing what to do during the gameplay and seeing consequences in the end?" Colin frowned. "Yeah. You told me yesterday about that."

Shit. Right, they talked about it yesterday. How did Stefan forget? Apparently his brain preferred taking notes of Colin's facial features rather than his own words.

"Y-yes. B-but I haven't told you everything. Making decisions for your character, having a choice. Just like in this book" he pulled his time-worn copy of Bandersnatch and exposed it in front of Colin's face.

"I got one too. Never really read it though" Ritman shook his head and took a pack of cigarettes out of his pocket. "Didn't the guy who wrote this go bonkers and cut his wife's head off?"

"Y-Yes, b-but apart from that, he was a genius" Stefan nodded, his eyes wide open; he would always get into the mood when talking about _Bandersnatch_. He loved this book, it meant a lot to him. Something his father could never understand. Hell, he wasn't even aware of it.

"Mhm" Colin nodded again, lightening his cigarette. "Cool. So, yesterday you said you'd decided to make your own game where you choose your path. Or, actually, one of the paths that are given to you by the creator. But you still feel like you are the one in control."

"Exactly. I want to transform this masterpiece into a video game, so that people can experience the feeling of being their character. And they can play it several times to get all the various endings based on their previous choices."

"Thanks to that, it takes more time to get boring than the usual games. Haven't thought about that earlier. Cool. Very cool."

Stefan lowered the book, still holding it tightly though, his fingers almost pure white.

"Y-you think so?"

"Yeah, why not? Told you that already." Colin shrugged, "No one's ever created a video game like this. You'll be the first one. I'll be happy to help. Have you started anything yet?"

"N-no, not really..." Stefan stuttered, flicking through the book, "I mean, I tried to write down some ideas and draw all the possible paths, but..."

"There, there. It's never efficient to write everything down and then code it all at once. You should start with the beginning of the story, reach the first point where the player has to choose. Then you can take notes 'what happens when' etcetera. Step by step, otherwise you'll go crazy."

Stefan thought everything through and nodded slowly, his eyes never leaving Colin's.

"You're right. Yeah, you're right" he leaned back, the book no longer in his hands but on his lap instead, "Thank you. I-I should know that."

"When I started my first game, I wanted to code it in one night. I thought it'd be cool after all. It was not."

Colin smirked when Stefan laughed after a few seconds of strong eye contact in silence. He took the book from Stefan and checked it out. If he opted to help Stefan out with everything, he needed to read the book. The boy also needed his own room, or at least a good computer to work on and a desk.

Butler blinked and zoomed back in from his thoughts when Colin got up and left the room. He didn't know what and why just happened; _Bandersnatch_ was lying next to Colin's computer and Stefan felt awkwardly confused. Did he just make him mad? Bored? Why would he leave so urgently without a word?

Then, the door opened again and Mr. Thakur came in, Colin right behind him, clearly trying to say something.

"Stefan! I'm glad you want to join us!" he was grinning and Stefan felt like getting up would be appropriate. "Colin here told me that you want to work on your own though, is that right? It isn't, is it?"

"Uhh..." Butler gave him a long confused sigh, not knowing what to respond with.

Did he say anything to Colin about working alone? Or he just simply knew Stefan would like to be alone in creating the game?

"Come on Mohan, you heard me-"

"Let the boy speak for himself, Colin" Mr. Thakur raised his hand and looked at Stefan. "Look, kid. I can't give you a whole room all for you to work in. But, if you agree for a team, Colin being one of them of course, then it's not even debatable! You'll get your own office room, your own computer..."

"I-I want to work alone-!" Stefan's mouth had opened before his brain could process anything. His eyes wide open, he held his breath and tried to finish his thoughts at least. "With- with Colin..."

Colin Ritman and Mohan Thakur were both standing next to each other, staring at young Butler, their faces expressing completely diverse feelings. Colin was relaxed, smirking, probably amused by Stefan's nervous posture. Thakur on the other hand was not pleased at all. He did want Stefan to work in Tuckersoft, but he was afraid that another Colin-alike introverted outsider was too much for this company. But he did not want to give up such a young talent and ambition. What should he do?

"Look, Mr. Thakur" Ritman corrected his glasses and took a few steps forward to face him, "I'll let Stefan in my office. He'll be able to work there, write there, even eat and sleep there if needed, I don't care. Your company needs someone like him and you know that. Don't hold him down with the team. Please."

Stefan's eyes couldn't find their place between Colin's profile and Mr. Thakur's face. They finally landed on Tuckersoft's managing director. He could feel small drops of sweat on his forehead; his hands shaking a little, he felt an urgent need to scream and get out of the room. Really, his legs were just about to move, when Mohan finally spoke:

"Alright. Deal. But don't disappoint me, Ritman. And you, Stefan. It's July, I want the demo version of your game by the end of October. It must be done on Christmas."

"Y-yes, s-sure. I will have done the demo by the end of October" he repeated Mohan's words, his hands slowly relaxing behind his back. "Thank you very much."

Mohan Thakur nodded and left the room. Stefan then realized he had been holding his breath almost all the time. Colin looked at him and grabbed his shoulder.

"Relax, mate. You made it. You got the job."


	3. very, very much

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> uh i haven't been posting for a WHILE because i'm a loser and can't get myself to do anything, but reading brand new stuff about Spiderman and Mysterio inspired me  
> hope you like it!!

The sound of a crying baby from another room didn't bother Colin even though it was already one AM and he should have been asleep for hours. Instead, he kept reading Bandersnatch thoroughly, ignoring the throbbing headache he had got earlier today. The book was more important. Stefan was more important.

The baby eventually calmed down and fell asleep in her mother's arms. Kitty put her in the crib carefully and turned off the lights. Yawning, she came back to her bedroom where Colin was occupied by the book.

"She's hungry all the time, just like her uncle" Kitty sighed, running her hand through her aggressive orange hair, "who apparently has a weak spot for a slender freckled nerd and isn't even listening to me."

"I am listening. I'd just rather not respond to your false observations. Also, I'm not hungry all the time", Colin didn't look at her while speaking, he kept staring blindly at the words in front of his eyes. He was afraid Kitty would notice his cheeks turning red at the mention of Stefan.

"Whatever, Col. Shouldn't you be in bed? You said you'd need to get up early tomorrow", Kitty asked, settling herself under the sheets next to him. "I mean, today."

"I need to read it as soon as possible for work."

"For Stefan? Sure, you cannot let him down" she grinned, her eyes never leaving Colin's face.

He turned his head slowly to look at her with one eyebrow raised. "Would you quit on talking about him all the time? It seems like you are the one who's got a thing for him."

"So you DO have a thing for him!" she yelled, sitting up, quickly remembering her child sleeping behind the wall, so she continued with a whispered yell, "Colin's in love! And he admitted it himself!"

"Get off, Kitty" Colin frowned, actually pretty upset. Truth was, he hated admitting his feelings, especially about someone. "I am not in love with him. I just... find him...", he searched for the right kind of words, "...interesting."

"Seriously?"

"Fine!" he glared at her, "Attractive. Pretty. Cute. His appearance is... exceptional."

"I have to meet him. You should invite him over. Does he like kids?"

"I don't know, Kitty" Colin sighed and closed his book, having put a bookmark before. "We're just coworkers. I don't know anything about him, honestly. But I feel there's... there's so much to know. He's so introverted and full of secrets, just like me, you could say."

"Col, for God's sake. You can't give up on it. I love the way you talk about him", and she really did love the way Colin's tone casually changed from irritated to relaxed and dreamy, his eyes suddenly so happy and vivid, and his serious face just turning into one big sunny smile. He was, indeed, having feelings for Stefan Butler.

\---

His alarm ranged mercilessly at seven in the morning. He wanted to make sure he packed everything he could need while working with Colin. There was only one little thing he had to do before leaving, and perhaps it was the most difficult obstacle he would face today.

"Hey dad" Stefan said, his voice as cheerful as possible.

"Hello, Stefan."

They haven't talked since Peter surprised him with letting him go without washing the dishes after dinner the previous day. When Stefan came back home in the late evening, his father didn't respond to his hello, and Stefan supposed they weren't meant to talk anymore that day. Peter was probably both tired and upset at his son, but fully aware he could do nothing about it.

"I... Can I ask you something? Like, a favor?" young Butler stood in front of his sitting parent uncomfortably, ready to leave the house at any moment.

"Sure, what's the matter?" Peter didn't even look up from the newspaper he was reading.

"I-I need some money. For lunch, today. W-with Colin."

Then, he looked up. He looked up at his terrified son and examined him slowly. He didn't know anything about his son's romantic interests whatsoever, and wasn't even sure if he could assume anything like that. It was probably just a friendly way to spend a lunch break, eating lunch. Peter hated the idea of his dear son working at Tuckersoft creating stupid video games, he hated the idea of Colin. But he couldn't step between his son and anyone he would like to go for lunch with, even if it was Colin Ritman.

"So you two work together now, eh?" the old Butler chatted, searching through his pocket for some cash.

"Yeah, we do. Five days a week" Stefan nodded, his mood instantly getting better while thinking of it.

Finally, Peter gave him the money; too much for Stefan's taste.

"Dad, it's way too much, don-"

"It's obviously way too little, but I think it's enough for you two getting some quality food. Go on, son, buy him lunch."

Not only Stefan had felt ashamed for asking for money before, now he also felt surprised by his father's generosity and kindness.

"Th-thank you. That's very kind."

He left right after saying goodbye, without mentioning how long he would be gone. Actually he didn't know it himself, it all depended on their productivity and results at the end of the day.

\---

Stefan knocked thrice at Colin's office's door. There was only a few other people in the whole office; it was still probably twenty minutes before the workday started each day, which was at eight. Colin asked Stefan to come earlier, he wanted to make the most of their time today to start this big project.

When Stefan was about to give up and turn around, Colin's voice made his heart skip a beat. He almost jumped out of fear.

"Occupied. But I'm happy you have learned the complicated art of knocking."

Stefan eventually turned around and looked at his partner. He was holding two cups of coffee in both of his hands and a burning cigarette between his fingers. Multitasking, Stefan thought.

"Here. You're welcome" Colin gave him the cup, saving the one with the cigarette to himself.

"Thanks..." Butler muttered.

"Come on, get in!" he was then quickly rushed by Colin, "There's no time to lose, right?"

"Y-yeah, sure..!" Stefan realized he was completely not prepared for Colin's sudden appearance. He prepared himself for the man sitting at his desk in the office, not even looking at him, all focused on whatever it was Colin had to do besides work.

When the door closed behind them, Stefan settled himself on the chair he had sat on the previous day; he took a sip of his coffee and felt a strong taste of milk and honey. He must have made a particular grimace, because Colin immediately spoke:

"How is it? I did my math and deduced you must like your coffee sweet."

Did his math? Deduced? How? Did he just suggested (again) that he thinks Stefan is _sweet?_

"It's- It's good. Really good" the boy nodded nervously and took another sip. "Thank you. My dad makes awful coffees", he giggled at his own words and felt like an idiot. Colin probably doesn't even care, he thought. But oh, little did he know about Colin and what and who he cared about.

"Interesting. Then you probably inherited the lack of skill. I'll remember to always make coffee for both of us."

Stefan laughed this time, still feeling a bit insecure, though he already learnt Colin was a really cool guy who does not judge people. He smokes weed, has bleached hair, likes colorful clothes. And he may even like him, at least in the friendly way.

"Do you smoke?" Colin offered him a cigarette, standing just a few inches in front of Stefan, who shook his head quickly, thanking for asking. "Then I hope you don't mind me smoking. I can't do it at home because of the baby, so it's my only safe space."

"Yeah, it's okay."

He saw an opportunity for asking Colin more about Kitty and the baby, just to make sure he doesn't stand a chance with the white-haired genius. He really wanted to just make sure Colin is straight and happily in love with Kitty. He needed to stop hoping for the impossible and let it go.

"H-how are they, by the way? Is Kitty okay with you being here all day with me to work?"

"Why wouldn't she?" Colin didn't even look at him, just kept on smoking and turning on the machines they were supposed to work on.

"Oh, uh, I don't know... I mean, you know, the baby..."

"It's not my responsibility. I agreed for letting her stay at my place years ago and I see no problem in living my life just like I'd lived it before Pearl was born."

It sounded cruel, Stefan definitely did not like what he just heard. He felt... disappointed, even. Because of Colin Ritman speaking like a typical white man with no responsibilities.

"For the record, of course. Pearl isn't mine" Colin suddenly stopped what he was doing and looked straight in the eyes of Butler. "We're just friends. You could say I'm an uncle."

"Oh, okay, I get it" he nodded, "Nice. Very nice."

"Just wanted to make it clear. I really made a bad impression without explaining our family ties."

"A bit, yeah" Stefan admitted, stroking his cup of coffee with one hand. "Good to know. That you're friends."

His face literally burned at that moment, when he realized he just said it is good to know he has a chance. But Colin just grinned at him for a second and returned to his previous task of turning on the old computer. It seemed like he knew what Stefan meant, but totally did not mind it. Instead, he cursed after a while and complained about Thakur ignoring all his requests for new equipment.

"He really thinks I can afford a whole new computer to make new games. I mean, I can, but it's not my job to provide tools here, I'm here to work no them. God damn it."

Stefan couldn't take a smile off his face when he was speaking and complaining. He took Colin's grin before as a hint, and decided to exhale and just be himself. He liked Colin very, very much and didn't want him to think otherwise.


End file.
